The Inkheart in Me

That Me. Always bored.

Hi there, if you are reading this, you are probably just like me. Bored, nothing to do randomly browsing the internet. Well that does not mean we are as same as those lungi clad guys whom you see in 90’s mallu movies who sits by the kalungu smoking and lecting at the chicks passing on the road. Well we are better than that. We have facebook for stalking and numerous tubes for the lecting part. Well as this is our first encounter, let me introduce myself. Call me Doc. Well I am not a doctor but something like a doctor but its nice to hear someone call you Doc. So call me so. I am a dentist by profession and by fate. I never wanted to be one but here I am being one. Retrospectively thinking I wonder what I really wanted to be? Back in my high school days I am sure I wanted to be everything what the big M’s of the mallu movie industry did in their flicks, I even wanted to be a military officer so that I can look cool walking away form explosions as Suresh Gopi does in Kashmiram. But then I realized for being in Army you need to be uber fit and do a lot of physical training and my idea of physical exercise ends with the soccer game played in my old video game connected to the TV.

Even though I was confused about my future career, my parents like all Indian parents had a foolproof blue print of their child's future career, marriage, family life, number of kids, their school and college life, their marriage and even their kids. It goes on like that, you get the idea!! So according to my parent’s master plan I was to be a doctor. So After my 10^th, I dropped maths and concentrated to biology and by the way its was also because I sucked big time in maths. So now it was like I have to study only the subjects I love and I am going to ace this. Well then something called internet, game stations, confidence to talk to chicks and mug classes occurred and it was two years of pure fun as I glided though my 11^th and 12^th. But you see it was a great skill in my part to keep my parents thinking that I am working my ass off in academics while I watched all the movies screening and shot all the terrorists in counter strike. I was on a roll there my friend!

Then came Mr Alphonis Kannantanam, Justice Mhmd committee and the Kerala CET. That brought my parents to the realization that their son was not exactly prime grade material. My rank was around 10,000 more than what they hoped for and I was packed off to the holy land of entrance preparations, Thrissur. There I met the Prophet of Entrances, the High Lord of all Competitive examinations. One year in that holy hole not only helped me to become a baldie but also to develop the personality of a lobster. But even His Holiness extreme powers of academic excellence could not make me a doctor to my parents dismay, especially my Mummy’s but I ended up to the ‘next best thing’. 

Running to fulfill someone else dream 

A dentist.

The story of my adventures of dental UG and PG is a tale for another day as it was long nine years of making. No, I did not fail any exams or carry a truck load of supplies like you to take so long time. Oh yes! A dentist requires 4.5 years of BDS, 1 year internship and 3 years of MDS without losing a single paper to sit in front of an old laptop and type in a blog.

A lesser qualified colleague

You may be wondering why a dentist is bitching into a blog while you often feel ripped off visiting one. My friend, I am not bitching over being a dentist. It is my profession, I am pretty good at it and I love doing it. Occasionally I even feel a pinch of pride and satisfaction when someone smiles wholeheartedly at me after they get their teeth fixed or smile corrected. That is the one moment I feel a sense of accomplishment. But somewhere I read, ‘yes I do read a lot’ that you will always regret the things you did not do rather that what you did. Is this what I wanted to do? Is this my life, waking up going to clinic, waiting for some patient, cleaning, drilling, filling, pulling and fixing teeth all day long until your back creaks while you try to stand? The truth is I don’t know. For one thing this is the only job I know and what other option do I have ?

‘You could write!’

‘What?’

‘You read a lot of books and even have a library of them and have a decent language skill. You always talk well and can frame good stories and lies when you want, so why don’t you put it into use and write something?’

That was the conversation I had with my wife when I asked her the question of the purpose of my life. I wonder if you can call it a conversation when one person speaks one word and the other person monologues for the rest of the time. I guess that is called marriage!

I turned it over and over in my mind. I had some success in extempore, debates and essay competitions in my student life but that does not mean I can write. Writing requires a lot of imagination, patience and skills. Talking about patience/patients, that are something, both my professional and personal lives requires a lot.

What does one do when he has a question in his mind or a doubt to clarify? You Google it, as did I. It look like there are more websites and blogs in the net about how to write a book that the actual number of books in the world. I went through a few of them and understood why GRR Martin takes so much time to write a book. He enjoys doing that. He lives in his story as it is his life. My problem with my present profession is that I see it as a profession. You need to embrace it as your life to truly enjoy doing it. That made me realize that I enjoy reading and living in the world of others minds, well then why don’t I create one of my own? I need not have to publish it or sell it to make a living, but I could write a novel or even a short story that I would enjoy reading. That would make me happy and get me that elusive feeling of accomplishment.

This is me when someone asks 'sup?'

After all, my wife was correct. During my college life we used to say that the professor is always right in whatever he says, similarly the wife is always right in a happy married life. In someone's article I read that ‘bloggers are failed writers’ but I guess when you do something you truly enjoy it doesn't matter if others think you are winning or failing, In your world, you are the king.