Bob, Joe & Lee

I must be celebrating. I must be overjoyed. I must be on cloud nine. Ever wondered what the hell is this cloud nine? Is it some kind of cloud that is found above the other eight? Of course I know it’s written to express happiness, so let’s assume that happiness has nine different levels and nine is the highest achievable score. Hence cloud nine. Today I must be in that level floating over the cloud, bellowing mist like that junkie I met at the shack by the beach letting off the light blue acrid smoke while he reaches his nine or ten.

I am meeting up my GF in an hour time and that’s why I expect myself to be in the above mentioned cloud, not any lower. I am with this chick for the last two years, a relation that is not exactly made in heaven but it does have its share of ups and downs. Ups mostly, if you know what I mean. I wonder how conveniently have they made up the phrase ‘in love’ which is so much similar to ‘in prison’ while you never say ‘in friendship’. Maybe because friendship is a ship in which you always have an option to disembark and GTFO while ‘in love’ is something off your control. You must either do a prison break and be hunted all your life or you must wait until you are nothing but an empty shell with no social life, money or character. Then they let you go free. But my love life is nothing like this. They say when a door closes, another one opens, but in my case when the door that I held dear closed on my face, it knocked me off my feet. The door then married a dude with a bigger car, bigger house and became the savithri to his sathyayan while I lay on the floor. What do you do when you get knocked down? Try to get up, duh! That’s what I tried only to find that I had pushed off all the handholds and hands to hold while I was busy cozying the door. Apparently that’s another way they let you off the prison on your back.

Why am I telling all these stuff? No idea, maybe because I have nothing else to talk to you now. I am not a known social animal and is often compared to the crab for our charming personalities. In my theory, falling in love occurs when there is an imbalance in the mental council that govern the actions of a person. There are three guys in this council; Joe, Bob and Lee. Being the average person always has its perks for he is invisible. Attempting to find an average person is one of the toughest missions in Call of Duty. It is because they can camouflage like a Ninja. Fining a needle in a haystack is old school, but finding a needle in a stack of needles, that takes the cut. That is the average Joe for you, for you shall never find him lurking in the heap of Joe’s. You will look as flabbergasted as Neo watching the innumerable Smiths pour into the court. After the Average Joe comes the Overt Bob. He is the one who goes for the overkill. He is someone who can be instantly noted and tagged. He is the kid who always gets caught by the teacher at school. He is the one who is always selected ‘randomly’ at the airport by the customs officer for the checkup. I am sure you have seen him everywhere, for today I saw this dude on a two wheeler with two pillions, a bag of groceries balanced on the petrol tank, his helmet singed to his arm talking to the mobile phone while negating a traffic block. We see all kind of such clowns who do not wear a helmet or have mobile I one hand or carry 3-5 pillions but its often rare to find someone do all the three things together. A special kind of stupid, Mr Overt Bob. Finally we have the Weenie Lee. You guessed him right. He is that fellow who is as useless and ueue in queue. Oh I am not implying that Weenie Lee is a useless dude, he is well and good at things that matter but he is the one who always backs out. The one who bails on you at the last moment be it a beer run a road trip or a Frisbee game. He always comes up with the most outlandish of the excuses for his absence. If ‘Its too windy to play Frisbee is not outlandish enough how about ‘It’s too early to drink beer?’

I am sure that you already know these stuff from my bro Freud’s book. He called my Bob, Joe & Lee by the name Id, Ego & SuperEgo. Way cooler names that what I gave and Freud have pointed out that all three of these dudes live in every one of us. Yea even in you too lady. For the sake of the Femmies out there, let’s call them Jane, Kate and Sally but the essence is same. We have an uptight persona, a dork and a bloke in all of us. Falling in love is when the bloke runs the show, while in love is when the dork takes over. When you on the floor and the door walk away with the new bloke you can know that who is in charge now. The uptight fellow. Psychology 101.

I know you are eager to know the story of the break up, but that’s for another day, now is the time for me to get the mouthwash, car keys and the wallet. Especially the wallet for wallets is the building block for every relationship that involves an ugly dude and a hot chick.

Kudos !